Some years ago I was selling a very large rural property by auction. For those who don’t know what this means we simply advertise the property over a period of around 4/5 weeks during which inspections are invited and normally many inspections take place, at the end of the advertising period we have an auction day whereby those people who are interested in the property bid for the property, the highest bidder, providing the owners reserve figure is attained, will be the new owner of the property.
Anyway, this property attracted a lot of interest so much in fact that I just about “lived” there for 5 weeks. The inspections were basically coordinated by my secretary and I went to the property every day and met the clients there. I basically never met the client until that day.
I should mention here that on the day of the very first inspection the rain started falling and continued on and off for the full 5 weeks, some 450 millimetres apparently.
The country was basically of grey/black basalt soils and red scrub type soils on the higher country, for those who know this is a great combination of “slippery” country, we had already a few close encounters (off road experiences).
Well, enter Bob & Mandy, they drove up to the homestead in a BMW, Bob gets out & I could see straightaway he was a cattleman, and a gentleman, he opened the passenger door and out slides this most gorgeous young lady, in her “6” inch stilettos which immediately sank half way up the heal but, she persevered and walked up to meet us.
No doubt, Bob was a cattleman, quiet, but took everything in, Mandy, just sort of glided around like she just come off the catwalk, the elderly owner of the property was a bit mesmerized by her and wanted to come on the inspection but I convinced him it would be better if he didn’t. Bob could see the owner was a bit keen on Mandy but it didn’t seem to overly worry him. I suspected this was rather normal.
Anyway, to the inspection, away we go in the mud, by this stage I was handling the slippery situation rather well, if I may say so, and rather enjoying it, 4 wheel drifts, plenty of revs, the odd 180 degree slide plus a few other tricks, but, basically safe. We had only gone a few hundred metres or so when Mandy, who had taken the front seat immediately and was talking rather non-stop, hit the electric button and wound down her window, I asked her if she got car sick but, no, she just thought she would like to have the window down, I suggested that having the window down might not be the best idea but she said she was “happy”
The rain had slowed to just a few showers this day and, not just satisified with a bit of air flying past her face she sort of leaned out the window like a fox terrier sucking air, anyway, just at that particular moment I hit a very slippery and extremely muddy section, the steering wheel was working over time, the front wheel on Mandy’s side picked up the mud and shot a copious amount back into Mandy’s direction, a perfect hit! the whole left side of this gorgeous girl’s face was splattered with a good coating of some of the blackest and smelliest mud that you could ever find, I slid to a holt. Expecting the verbal, but no, not a word from Mandy, Bob sort of had a muffled cough and I saw an evil grin on his face that seem to last all day .
Now, this girl said nothing, just grabbed her oversized bag, removed about 50 face wipe type things and proceeded to clean what she could off the dial, I asked if she was all right, she just replied “yes thank you” we proceeded on, I thought then “this girl is cool”
Some time later Bob still hadn’t said much but Mandy was still going well, I had soon established that she knew absolutely nothing about cattle but there was something about this girl that I liked. “stop!” she said, which caught me a bit by surprise, “pass me the camera Bob, I want to take some photos of those cows down there” Bob passes the camera and muffles “they’re bulls” unperturbed Mandy keeps talking about these cows and how big they are, Bob again whispers that they are bulls but Mandy is not having any of that, she says they’re cows and that’s it, Bob went very very quiet after that.
We finally make it to a section of the property whereby you could basically see most of the place, I turn the landcruiser around so no one has to get out but Mandy beat me to it, she stepped outside with the camera and promptly sank one leg, complete with stiletto, into about 300mm of quicksand type mud. Bob was beside himself, he just couldn’t hold the muffled laughter anymore. Mandy just stood there, one foot in the mud and sinking, the other still on the side step of the landcruiser, but, with the camera still in the hand and not saying a word, I asked if she needed a hand, she said “she was fine” Bob wasn’t moving!
Mandy had the camera working overtime, she got some great angle shots even though she didn’t know it. Not a word was said by Bob or myself. She tossed the camera back to Bob, heaved herself up onto the landcruiser foot step but, minus one stiletto. Out come the face wipe things again, lots this time, she cleaned up pretty well but still had that look of a black & white minstrel. We were just about to head back to the homestead when suddenly Mandy took off the other stiletto and heaved it out the window mentioning at the same time that she hated those shoes anyway. Bob never said a word.
I couldn’t keep a straight face any more, I must have looked like a Cheshire cat, Bob still a had sort of a fixed grin on his face, anyway the trip back to the homestead was rather quiet.
I asked them if the would like to have a good look at the homestead and yards / sheds etc. Bob indicated that would be fine, the agent usually by now has an indication of how keen the clients are but in this case I reckon I’d lost the plot, I just could not keep a straight face when I was talking to Mandy or, Bob or the property owners for that matter.
Mandy seemed to have shrank, those stilettos had made her look tall, without them she seemed to drop down to jockey size and the black and white colour combination just kept breaking me up, I tried to remain professional but cracks were appearing in my veneer. The owners of the property were actually quite concerned about my wellbeing and asked if was alright to which I replied “yes I’m ok” then burst out laughing, they didn’t know what to think until a few days later I told them the full story.
Anyway I completed the inspection and Bob and Mandy jetted off into the sunset, Bob still had that evil grin, Mandy was still as cool as ever, I liked that girl! I sold the property for many millions a few weeks later on the auction day.
